Story Told Copy

"Uhh, thank you for allowing me this wonderful oppertuinity," you say, scanning the empty skulls that look back at you. "Tonight, tonight you're in for a real treat, for I will be telling you quite the tale. A grand, advneutour tale." "Is this going to be a story of an adventure you've gone on?" Jenkins says. Whispers start to roll in from the pirates behind him. "...yes. Of-of course it will be. What else?" You give a nod and a half-smile to the crowd. They seem to believe that you're actually an adventurer of some sort. Neat. "And so," you drop your voice a bit, trying to make it sound more heoric. "I shall tell you the tale of the time..." [[I went on a date.|Date Night]] [[I ding-dong ditched a dragon.|Ding-Dong Night]]

You say, "It was around 5 o'clock last Saturday when everything started to go down. I had to admit at the time, the date I was on wasn't looking like it would plan out." (if: (history:) contains "Ding-Dong Night")["You didn't even get to know your dragon neighbor that well before you asked her." Jenkins says, shaking his head. "You didn't even tell us her name!" You ignore his critisim. "Her name was <input type="text" data-varname="dateName">\ <script>processInputElements();</script>."] (else:)["A date!" Jenkins says, breaking your line of thought. You have a feeling this will be nowhere close to the last time he does this. "Who did you ask out?" "[(display: "DateCycling")]<dateSelect| <input type="text" data-varname="dateName">\ <script>processInputElements();</script>." "More importantly," the captain approaches you. "Where we you at?" [[the movies.|Movie]] [[an amusement park. |Amusement Park]] [[a swamp to go crocodile hunting.|Crocodiles]]

"A dragon!" the captain says. "I don't believe that those sort of critters even exist. Are you sure this is a real story?" "Ehh," you pause before thinking of your comeback. "Is the skeleton pirate one to judge what is or isn't real?" Jenkins chuckles a bit but a glare from the captain silences him. "Eyy, you have a fair point. But how does one even ding-dong ditch a dragon?" [["I brought my own bell and rang it manually."|Confront]] [["I used a magically spell that only produces bell noises."|Confront]] [["The dragon had a door bell. She was a neighbhor."|Apartment Woes]]

"We were planning to meet up at the local movie theatre. We were planning nothing out of the ordinary, although it didn't stay like that for long. We had decided that we wanted to see:" [[Crazy Rich Asian|Waiting]] [[Jigsaw|Saw It]] [[Back to the Future|Future]]

Try to buy food at the amusement park. Deal with a food salesman. [[Buy some nachos.|Nachos]] [[Buy some deep dish pizza.|Pizza]] [[Buy some fried shrimp.|Shrimp]]

"I was mentally berated myself for such a silly choice. I don't know why I thought I would be able to woo $datePro with crocodile hunting? A recall a gloosh ringing out when I stomped my boots in the swampy waters. I should have gone with devil ray hunting instead. More danger there after all." "Yeah..." the captain glances from side to side. "Of course." You continue on. "i heaved my capture noose over my shoulder and started to trudge back to where I had parked the truck. Right when I was about to give up hope, I noticed someone was by my truck. As I got closer, I saw that the figure had long blonde hair. It had to be... [[Jessica."|Confused Audience]] [[$dateName."|Date Come True]] [[The Crocodile Pseudoizer."|Blending In]]

"One day though, she had enough of my shangeagins. As I was ready to (cast my spell or ring my bell), she came around from behind me. She was waiting for me. In her fury, she challenged him to a battle. A battle to the death in:" [[a round of combat, where it was unsure if I could survive.|Combat]] [[a card game.|Cards]] [[mini-golf.|Mini-Golf]]

"The dragon was yer neighbor?" the captain leans in and looks at you. "Ummm, yes," you say. "An emerald dragon moved into a house three doors down from where I grew up. I hadn't had a dragon neighbor before, which was maybe why I chose to ding-dong ditch her house." "How does a dragon even fit inside a normal house?" Jenkins says as he raises his hand, defeating the purpose of said hand. "Wouldn't they be-" "Each dragon has their humanoid form," the captain turns away from you, giving you space to breath again. "They use it to blend in to the communites around them. Or so I heard. You chuckle as you drape your arms behind your head. "I remember one time I was ding-dong ditching her and she opened the door right there and then. I was shocked when she was wearing [(display: "ClothCycling")]<clothSelect| when she opened the door. Immediatly, in that moment, I asked her... on a date." (click: "on a date")[(if: $isPorno)[(goto: "Mocking")](else:)[(set: $datePro = "she")(goto: "Date Night")]] [[to close the door.|Panic!]] [[to play a board game sometime together."|Old Friends]]

"Let me guess, and you managed to fight your way through and managed to escape barely?" You look down at Jenkins. "Umm, is there something wrong with that?" "Nothing," Jenkins crossed his chest. "Nothing besides the fact that we've heard that sort of story like 27 times now. Too cliche. What's your next story going to be about? The time you woke up in a room by yourself with no memory?" Mutters of agreement come from behind you. "Aye, they are right," the captain comes over to you. "It doesn't make a great story, since we know that ye live. You're here right now, and unlike us, still go yer skin on bones on ya." There is a pause. "Not if we throw ye overboard though." And with a roar of cheers, you find yourself being thrown overboard into the ocean. It looks like your life is up in the air this time- oh wait, you're now dead.

"A card game!" Jenkins says. "Us pirates of the <i> Neptune Horizon </i> love ourselves a round of cards. We call ourselves experts!" A roar of agreement from the pirates behind him follows. "What did you two play?" [[Craps|Roll For Freedom]] [[Spades|Rule Infraction]] [[Uno|Color Blinded]]

"And it was a close game of mini-golf, to be sure," you say at the pirates who are at the edge of their seats, if they were sitting. "And it came down to the final hole where I decided to:" [[hit it straight through the windmill.|Perfect shot]] [[close my eyes and just swing.|Show-Off]] [[stab the dragon with your putter.|Party Pooper]]

(if: (history:) contains "Eighties")[(enchant: ?Page, $eighties)]"I needed to distract myself, to keep my mind off the fact that $datePro might not be coming, which is why I spent the next half-hour looking:" [[at nearby poster for other movies.|Posters]] [[at my phone is see if $datePro posted anything about tonight on Facebook.|Facebook]] [[around to see when I could rob the place.|Robber]]

"Hold on," Jenkins looked up from a notepad that he must have pulled out while you were lost in telling your story. "You were planning to see a gory, horror movie? Wasn't this like the first date? Seems like a strange choice, no?" You shake your head. "It was... [[Because then $datePro'll get scared and then embrace you.|Waiting]] [[Because you are the director of Saw.|Director]] [[Because it'll prove to him that she's human.|Human?]]

"Wait, Back To The Future?" it was captain's turn to butt in. "How did you see that?" You look away from him. "Ah, we saw it because..." [[it was playing at the local movie theatre to appeal to a nerdy audience.|Waiting]] [[I had invited her over to my place.|Forward]] [[it is 1985.|Eighties]]

"You invited them over on the first date?" Jenkins squits his eye sockets. "Why would you do that? [[It's a family member of your roommate, so they're visiting them first before watching the movie with you.|Awkard Dynamic]] [[It's what you normally do.|Dating Virgin]] [[It wasn't a first date.|Caught]]

The pirates are split on whether they think that is a good idea or not. They are in deep discusion.

Disappointed by your lack of dating skills, they stop listening to your romance story. Who wants to hear a story about romance when the person has no experience in it? They throw you overboard.

What posters are on the wall? (if: (history:) contains "Eighties")[ [[Crazy Rich Asains|Immersion Broken]] [[Transformers|Immersion Broken]] [[The Goonies|Film Discussion]] (enchant: ?Page, $eighties)] (else:) [[Crazy Rich Asains|Film Discussion]] [[Transformers|Film Discussion]] [[The Goonies|Immersion Broken]]]

The pirates are annoyed that you cannot keep to the time period. They kill you.

They are so distracted by their disccusion that you're able to take one of the side boats! You hawl yourself to shore safelty!

"And I waited, waited, and waited. I took a deep breath, and swung with the perfect timing to send my lime green golf-ball right through the dangerous blades of windmill. The dragon, however, got too agressive and had her ball bounce off the blades. And so, I had won." The pirates applaud. Such a story of skill. They get a wonderful night sleep and release you at the nearest port. They challenge you to a round of mini-golf, but you decline. You don't want them to figure out that you don't know the difference between a driver and a putter. Congratulations!

"Ye stabbed the dragon with your putter, did I hear ye right?" the captain tilts his head as he looks at you. "Yes...?" "With what edge did you stab with?" the captain pulls a putter out from behind a barrell. "Because scally wag, all I see on this beast is rounded corners. This is probably the worst weapon to stab with." "He could have knocked her out with it?" a pirate in the back of the crowd shouts. "Even that wouldn't be that effective," Jenkins turns to shout back. "Besides, he clearly said stabbed anyways." The captain grabs you and tosses you towards the edge of the ship. With a swing of the putter, he knocks you down into the ocean below. Hole in one. You are dead!

"How did you make the shot with your eyes closed?" Jenkins tilts his head back slightly. "Oh, I didn't actually make the shot at all," you say. "But-but the dragon was so impressed that I had such bravery to do that she allowed me to live. We now go mini-golfing together in our spare time." The pirates clap. It was nice to have a story grounded in realness. They get a solid night sleep and release you at a port that is along the way. Congratulations!

"You decided on a game of pure luck to escape alive?" Jenkins says. "...yes?" you say, eyeing the crowd to see if you said something wrong. You see the captain smile. "Ay can respect someone who gives their all to lady luck," the captain chuckles and brings out a pair of dice. "How about we do something similar now? Take these two dice here and say whether it will be even or odd." He places the two dice and his boney hand into yours. "If you're right, we drop you off at the next port. If you're wrong, your trip ends here." He steps back, allowing you to see the exicted pirate crowd. "It shouldn't be a problem for a gambler like ye, no?" You guess even.(click: "You guess even.")[(set: $guessEven = true)(go-to: "Dice Roll")] You guess odd.(click: "You guess odd.")[(set: $guessEven = false)(go-to: "Dice Roll")]

"Wait a minute," the captain marches up to you. "You said you played Spades against a dragon? Am I hearing you right?" "...yes?" The captain grabs you by your collar. "Everyone knows that is impossible! Spades is a 4-player game. You cannot duel someone in Spades. You are liar. Overboard with ye!" The pirates cheer as you are heaved over the side of the boat and into the cold waters below. Soon you will be playing cards with Davy Jones himself. You'll have to find a couple more dead mates if you like Spades though. You died!

"I agreed upon a game of Uno," you pause as you let your choice sink in, "because dragons are colored blinded. Therefore, she played the incorrect card multiple times, causing me to win by disquailification. And so, I was able to walk away a free. And that's how I cheated certain death with cards." The pirates applaud. Such a story of cleverness and boldness. They get a wonderful night sleep and release you at the nearest port, singing your praises along the way. Congratulations!

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{(set: $playerName = "Dave") (set: $dateName = "Amanada") (set: $pronouns to (array: "him", "her", "them")) (set: $dateOptions to (array: "A guy named", "A lady named")) (set: $clothOptions to (array: "a green bathrobe", "blue pajamas with pictures of wings", "a short red dress")) (set: $subPro = "he") (set: $objPro = "him") (set: $posPro = "his") (set: $datePro = "she") (set: $isPorno = false) (set: $is80s = false) (set: $eighties to (background: #4E5893) + (color: #F305AB)) (set: $isEven = false) (set: $guessEven = false)}

"Of course it was Jessica! How dare he had given up hope that she would show up to his invite? How silly of him to-] (text-color: "yellow")["Wait a minute! Who is this Jessica person? I thought we were waiting for $womanName!"] A murmur of agreement rides a wave across your audience. (text-color: "orange")["I agree Jenkins! How does one forget the name of their characters so easily! This would not be a mistake that a supposed 'all-star' storyteller would do! We have a fruad in our mists! Seize him!] And with that, you find yourself from in front of a crowd to the bottom of the ocean. Stupid $womanName.

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"Why don't we ask [(display: "PronounCycling")]<pronounSelect| then?" Jenkins approaches the bars and looks in at you.

(link: (text: $pronouns's 1st) ) [ (set: $pronouns to (rotated: -1, ...$pronouns)) (replace: ?pronounSelect)[(display: "PronounCycling")] {(if: $pronouns's 1st is "him")[(set: $subPro = "he")(set: $objPro = "him")(set: $posPro = "his")] (else-if: $pronouns's 1st is "her")[(set: $subPro = "she")(set: $objPro = "her")(set: $posPro = "hers")] (else-if: $pronouns's 1st is "them")[(set: $subPro = "they")(set: $objPro = "them")(set: $posPro = "theirs")]} ]

(link: (text: $dateOptions's 1st) ) [ (set: $dateOptions to (rotated: -1, ...$dateOptions)) (replace: ?dateSelect)[(display: "DateCycling")] {(if: $pronouns's 1st is "A guy named")[(set: $datePro = "he")] (else:)[(set: $datePro = "she")]} ]

(if: (history:) contains "Ding-Dong Night")["Umm, of course she wasn't human," Jenkins says. "She was dragon." "Aye, he is correct," the captain says. "How does an expert story-teller such as yourself get confused that quickly?" And with that, you find yourself falling off the side of the boat. You wonder how long you'll be human in the cold waters below.] (else:)[The captain turns his heads slowly and looks back at Jenkins each other. Jenkins breaks the silence with a, "you weren't sure?" "Yeah," you say. "You can never be too sure nowadays." They say nothing more. [[You continute on.|Waiting]]]

"How did you forget what year it was?" Jenkins says as he brushes a bit of fuzz of his suit's shoulder pads. Travis scratches his chevron muscahe. "I don't know man. For some reason it felt... later?" You take the pause in the conversation to mean you [[can continue.|Waiting]] (enchant: ?Page, $eighties)

(if: (history:) contains "Eighties")[There is no Facebook in the 80's! The pirates seize you and throw you overboard for your lack of conistancy.] (else:)[Under construction.]

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Where are you going to get food from? [[A palm tree.|Palm]] [[A susipicous looking bush.|Bush]] [[The local 7/11.|Convienant]]

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"You directed SAW!" a pirate from the back showed his way to the front. You notice that the pirate's left arm stops at the humerous. The rest looks cut off. He flings the shortened arm at you, along with a pen in his other hand. "Sign this for me please!" You give a slight chuckle and click the pen. You sign his arm: [[Leigh Whannell|Disappointment]] [[James Wan|Happy Signing]] [[Patrick Warburton|Disappointment]]

Nevermind how it happened. Nevermind your sinking boat, your cries for help, your escape through an offered rope ladder. Nevermind that the rope ladder let you to pirates and nevermind that they are somehow skeletons that missed the memo that skeltons are supposed to be, you know, dead. The point is that they are cranky- "Would you get on with your story already, you scally wag!" <i>super</i> cranky, sleepy, and quite demanding. They demand a story, a bedtime story for some strange reason. "We want our bedtime story!" says a shorter sketelon with a red banada who is standing in front of the pirate mob. The chant starts to ripple out across the crowd that has formed around you. The deep voice from before roars again. [["Silence!"|Halt]]

The voice's owner unsheeves a scimitar from his belt from and gives it a wave at the crowd around you. He pushes his way through the crowd and comes your way. He is donned with a large hat, tucked with a feather and a stiched on skull and bones. On his rightshoulder, there is the skeletoal remains of a parrot. "The story cannot begin," the skeleton whips around to face the crowd. "If all yee are shouting!" Murmurs come back from the crowd. The bandana pirate turns his skull towards the ground and scoots back. "Sorry, captain," the banadana pirate says. "We get roudy when we're tired, as you know. But that is no excuse of us." "Well then, Jenkins," the captain turns back to you. "We should get this story started, ai?" You gulp. [[You clear your throat and begin to a story.|Story On]]

{(set: $dice1 = (random: 1,6)) (set: $dice2 = (random: 1,6)) (set: $diceResults = $dice1 + $dice2)} You roll the dice. The first one is a (print:$dice1). The second is a (print:$dice2). In total, it is a (print:$diceResults). (if: $diceResults % 2 is 0)[(set: $isEven to true)] (else:)[(set: $isEven to false)] (if: $isEven is $guessEven)[The captain looks at the result of the dice roll and chuckles. "Looks like lady luck still loves ye! We'll drop ye off at the nearest port. Who are we to disagree with her? And they follow their word, dropping you off at the nearest port. You feel lucky to be alive...literally. ] (else:)[You look at the results and gulp. The captain chuckles and grins at you. "Looks like lady luck has disowned ye. We shouldn't go against her wishes, shall ye?" And with that, he grabs you and tosses you overboard down into the ocean. Maybe if luck is on your side, you'll survive long enough- oh wait, nope, you're dead.]

(link: (text: $clothOptions's 1st) ) [ (set: $clothOptions to (rotated: -1, ...$clothOptions)) (replace: ?clothSelect)[(display: "ClothCycling")] {(if: $clothOptions's 1st is "a short red dress")[(set: $isPorno = true)] (else:)[(set: $isPorno = false)]} ]

"And after that moment, we spend like every... Thursday night together playing various board games and stuff. She's pretty chill and lovely to travel at this point. She got hired to do some private chartering, which allowed her to see the world and get paid to do it." "So, yer expecting to me to believe," the captain takes a step whenever he says a new word. "That you befriended a female dragon and just played games with her?" "...why wouldn't that be true?" you say, taking a few steps back from the encoraching captain. "That chances of all of this are-" The captain stops his talking as a shadow soars over the boat. The shadow then doubles back and gets smaller and smaller as the source of the shadow lands next to you. You recognize those green wings from a mile away. They slowly slip away into the creature's back as she gains human characteristics. "What's up bro," she offers you a fist. You bump it. "I was just flying down when I picked up what I thought was your scent. I thought I was crazy, but here you are." You grin, half from seeing an old friend and half from proving the pirates wrong. "I appreciate you stopping by. You mind giving me a life towards shore?" She gives you a thumbs up and gestures towards her back. You grabo onto her reforming wings and never return to the ship.

Jenkins chuckles. "'Have you ever heard of closing a goddamn door?'" He looks over to you. It seems like he is expecting you to say something in reply. [[Of course I have. That's why I went ahead and did that you fool.|Misquoted]] [[No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.|Reference]] [[I'm sorry, I panicked at the door!|Reference]]

Jenkins sighs. "And here I thought your cowardness was just a reference to something." The captain walks up to you and gives a pat on the back. "Oh, well in fact," he pauses. "Well I'll look at it this way, I mean techically, our storytime is saved." And with a toss, you find yourself sailing off the ship through the air and into the washing waves below. You're lack of knowledge is the gospel for the fallen ones. Looks like you will be locked away in peremant slumber.

Jenkins snaps his phalanges at you and point at you with in finger gun. "I gotcha." You snap back and chuckle. You would relax but the captain doesn't seem to get the joke at all. This is ephasized by the sudden grapping of your collar. "So, we throw this coward overboard?" the captain leans into his grip. "I will personally vouch for their safety back to shore." Jenkins walks over and places his hand on your shoulder. "You'll be on land again by nine in the afternoon." "Fine, first mate," the captain releases his hold. "Let's get ye to shore then." Within the next 24 hours, you find yourself safe again on solid ground. Victorious!

"Man, this sounds like the start to some porno," Jenkins says with a scoff. "Aye disagree with that," the captain waves his hand. "Our storyteller here would have to be attractive for that to happen!" Laughs roll in from the crowd. "If I saw them in a porno, my suspension of deisbleif would be shot!" someone from the back shouts. You try to get the story back on track, but it is no use. The crew of skeleton pirates take turns making jokes about you at your expense. The pirates laugh so hard that they exusht themselves and get a great night's rest. They gladly drop your deflated self off back on shore. You're safe, but at what cost?

You catch the pirates making a mistake with your story. Embrassed, they let you go free.

"You. Are. A. LIAR!" the pirate rips the pen out of your hand. "Throw him out of here." And so they did.

The pirate squeels with glee. "Let's get this talented man to shore so he can make some more awesome movies!" And so, they did.